The Psychology Behind Cheating

Divorce rates in the UK have risen year on year for the past decade and a big reason for this is the increase in affairs within marriages. When someone is cheated on by their partner, they are often left wondering why would they do this to them? They have gone from a trusting, loving relationship with their partner to lies, and deceit and its hard to work out how they have got to that point. On finding out the truth about their partner’s affair, they are often left angry and upset but also confused.

Why people cheat can be a very hard question to answer, however, there are some common reasons that are typically brought up in arguments and counselling sessions that we can share with you. If you yourself are looking for answers and a bit more clarity in this very difficult time please read on:

Missing Spark

Probably the most common reason for an affair to start is one or both people in the relationship feeling like that you are no longer close to your other half. When this happens, new people can seem exciting and interesting, just like the original couple probably did at the start of their relationship. This honeymoon period is new and very unlike the predictable and familiar relationship that is already in place. This ultimately leads to an affair of sorts as intimacy begins to creep in with the new person. A sense of disconnection from one’s partner can happen for a variety of reasons: Lack of communication, lack of intimacy or maybe you both want different things in life. These can all lead to a lack of connection and will leave at least one of you potentially looking for fulfilment elsewhere.

Love languages

Every person has a preferred way of communicating affection with a partner. Some like to verbally say nice and caring things to one another to reassure that they feel the same way about each other. Some prefer a more tactile approach with frequent touching, hugging and kissing, some prefer materialistic things and grand gestures. There is no right or wrong way, however, it is important that you and your partner share the same approach or at least compromise to find a common ground, if you are both speaking different ‘love languages’ then this will eventually leave one or both members feeling unloved.


If there is improper balance in a relationship where one member might be more mature and make most of the important decisions such as paying bills, looking after children, doing all of the chores, making all of the decisions. This will leave the responsible member feeling that their partner is not pulling their weight; this can lead to them looking elsewhere for appreciation and equality. On the other hand, the partner that does little in terms of responsibility may feel like their partner expects too much of them and they can never do anything right. They will also look for appreciation elsewhere which could easily turn into an affair.

These are just a few reasons that explain why a person may cheat, there are many more but if you are seeking further advice we advise counselling to help you work through this difficult time.

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